In the heat of the moment, we can all say some pretty crappy things to our partners. While most of the time they understand you were just angry and didn’t really mean it, there are some phrases that can have a super negative effect on your relationship. There are certain phrases that you should absolutely avoid using in a relationship in order for it to be a happy one.
1. “You’ve changed’’
This type of judgmental statement will never help develop or nurture a relationship. If you truly believe this claim, you also need to consider the possibility that you may have changed too. A person or relationship can never be static or stay the same. To be healthy, vibrant and flourish, both partners and the relationship itself should be allowed to dynamically grow and transform.
2.“It’s all your fault”
As a loving and caring partner, it is essential for you to be mindful of how your words and actions can impact your partner. Writing off an idea, a thought or a plan that he/she might have as ridiculous, stupid or simply idiotic because you might not agree with it is, to say the very least, wrong. Even if you can’t see eye to eye on an issue, try and be supportive and accepting of his/her point of view. If you know something they don’t and think their idea will fail, put your point across gently. There are better ways of telling someone you love that they are wrong than outright rejecting them.
4.‘‘I wish things were how they used to be’’
Ahh come on, we’ve all said it. When you’re going through a rough patch or a bit of a tricky time, it’s hard not to reminisce about the honeymoon period where you were banging 24/7 and having just one giant laugh together.We cannot relive or recreate the past, so this type of statement is NEVER helpful. It also creates a sense of longing, yearning and wishful thinking, which devalues the positive aspects of the current relationship, and corrupts and restricts it’s future growth
5.‘‘Why do you NEVER listen to me?’’
It can sometimes feel like your partner never bloody listens, but this is one of the least helpful things to say.This type of limiting statement is normally made in a long-term relationship where the value of healthy two-way communication is taken for granted or ignored, or one partner has become very dogmatic and blinkered in their opinions. Continually repeating this statement, either in a more emotional or aggressive tone, will also never work.
6.”He/she would have done this for me”
You know the first step in building a good relationship? Not comparing it to your previous one. Not only does comparing your partner to an ex signify that there is something seriously lacking in your current relationship, but it is also indicative of the fact that you might not completely be over your previous relationship. If you find yourself saying or even wanting to say this phrase often, it’s time to rethink your relationship. If you’re simply saying it to anger your partner or get to him/her to do something that you want, it’s time to rethink weather being in a relationship at this current point in time is the right thing for you.
7.”You are Pathetic”
You should always avoid labeling your partner when you’re dissatisfied with his or her behavior. “When we label a person, they get defensive right away.” Stick to observations about your S.O.’s behavior, instead. “This way, you’re opening up a conversation around how they can change what they’re doing.”
8.”You never take me Out Anymore”
Phrases such as ‘You never take me out anymore’ are often just emotional, with little basis in reality. Even their positive counterparts — “I will always be here for you,” or “I will never lie to you” — set you and your partner up for a loss of trust. “There will come a time when a partner won’t be available or will tell a lie, regardless of their intentions.”